You either walk inside your story and own it or you stand outside your story and hustle for your worthiness. – Brene Brown
Someone once said to me “we all have our bag of rocks.” I love that expression because it so simply captures the human experience.
Everyone has parts of them or parts of their lives that they wish were different but cannot be. As I say a lot, nobody’s life is perfect and no matter how hard you try your life will never be without some pain and imperfection.
Sometimes in life, a rock is tossed at us and we try our hardest to toss it back or bury it or however else you want to play out the analogy. But, if we don’t grab the rock the first time it keeps being shoved in our face reminding us that it is sitting there waiting to be shoved in the bag.
If we try to avoid our rocks it can create a lot of problems in our lives. I have watched people live their lives in deep denial in an effort to avoid feeling bad about the way things are which only makes them feel worse because they are always hiding. Denial and dishonesty only makes things worse for you and everyone around you.
There is no way to hide the rocks or make them go away.
When faced with painful life situations we have choices. I think there are healthy ways to accept our situation and unhealthy ways to deny our truth. I think depending on the situation that we want to be different, it is unhealthy and deceitful to say “I don’t care” when of course you care and of course you should care. Saying “I don’t care” does not magically lead to not caring.
We do care about the things that happen to us and to the people we love (no magical away around pain in life) That’s why it hurts and it is okay that it hurts. The more people and things you love the more vulnerable you are to hurt.
But would you really want to love less to avoid hurt?
Saying, “I do care and it hurts like hell that this happened and in some cases it will probably always hurt” is a form of looking closely at your bag of rocks.
I think sometimes in life we have to slowly and painfully examine the situations and ask ourselves:
“What do I do now?”
“Now that this has happened what is the healthiest most loving way of handling it moving forward?
Then there is need to share your bag of rocks with the people close to you. My father has schizophrenia (and so does my grandmother) and those are just some of the big boulders I tote around. I have tried all kinds of ways to hide those boulders but that only made me feel worse and ashamed.
Sometimes when I shared those rocks with people they reacted in ways that were extremely hurtful (because I care) but when I shared those rocks with Mr. Beard he looked at me like they were little pebbles. So, you never know how people will view your bag. And, not everybody gets the privilege of seeing all the rocks in your bag.
I am suggesting that you grab hold of your bag of rocks and examine it closely. The longer you live the more rocks you accumulate and no one lives without a bag. And, although you will try, there is no way to put the bag down.
So, if we can’t put it down maybe all we can do is learn healthier ways to carry it around.