The Parent Drought.

Drought – a prolonged absence of something specified.

I’ve been functionally an orphan for close to sixteen years. For the most part, I’ve adapted pretty well to life without parents. I think the hardest time to manage this was after my grandfather passed away and I was left with little to no real parenting support. Even then, I figured it out.

I must say that I am particularly starved for parental support right now. I’m faced with decisions and indecisiveness that are personal and stressful. They are the types of questions that burden even the best of friends and partners (I know because I’ve called their offices to talk it through again and again).

It is in these moments that I experience “the parent drought.” I have a desperate ache to talk with someone that only wants the best for me. My current problem is not a bad one to have by any measure, but it requires someone to only want what’s best for me. For many people, this is particularly burdensome. We live in a competitive world. I feel like (good) parents have the unique perspective to see a path that other people just cannot see.

I am achingly aware of my lack of parents right now. This doesn’t happen often but when it does it is the worst kind of loneliness. I suppose it will be fine as these things always work themselves out. I’m confident that I have adequate support and self-awareness to move me through these decisions.

I appreciate the people in my life that openly and readily answer calls and sit with my ambivalence. I know it is normal to wish I had parental support. I would say I am having a bit of a pity party related to being an orphan and feeling a little with out an anchor.

This post has no conclusion because, well, there is no way to tie together laces that aren’t there.

Love.

“Perhaps there are those who are able to go about their lives unfettered by such concerns. But for those like us, our fate is to face the world as orphans, chasing through long years the shadows of vanished parents. There is nothing for it but to try and see through our missions to the end, as best we can, for until we do so, we will be permitted no calm.”
Kazuo Ishiguro, When We Were Orphans

 

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