Are You A Good Guy? Are You Sure?

Are you a good man/person? Do you believe that treating people with respect is an important attribute in a person? Do you think it’s wrong to verbally or physically use force in a relationship?

Good, I need your help. We have a problem. A lot of men are killing their wives/girlfriends/partners. This article highlights horrible reality if you don’t believe me.

Yes, women are also abusive but we are less murderous so this post is focused on men. This includes men in relationships with other men.

“Men who endure domestic abuse living with male intimate partners are the most victimized male group. Nearly double the percent of cohabitating men reported “being raped, physically assaulted and/or stalked by a male cohabitant” compared to those residing with, or married to, women.”

I spent much of yesterday educating people on the realities of domestic violence. I was shocked at how little people know about the realities of this epidemic. Listen, someone is SEVENTY TIMES (7-0) more likely to be assaulted and/or murdered when they threaten to leave or file for divorce. This increases 500% if the partner has access and has been trained to use a firearm.

The FBI estimates that there is violence in 2/3rds of all relationships. That is alot. And, that means that some of you reading this are in an abusive relationship.

If you’re not in an abusive relationship this matters to you. Children brought up in violent homes are more likely to perpetrate violence on others. If you want a safer world, you want to eliminate violence in the home. This will improve all of our lives.

The current way of handling domestic violence is ineffective. We need a new approach and I have some ideas. I need help from the good guys. We live in a misogynistic culture. I need good men to collaborate with me to say this is not okay. I need this because, unfortunately, when a man tells another man it’s not okay to verbally or physically abuse women it carries more weight. Men listen to men more than they listen to women. I believe this is true even in homosexual relationships. If a good guy calls out an abuser, it is always going to be more powerful than if a women does the same. It is just the way it is.

I need the good guys to be willing to come with me to the homes of these women and tell the men to leave (with the help of law enforcement). It is ludicrous that we ask why doesn’t she leave? She is the one being abused. He needs to leave. She does not deserve to live in a homeless shelter. She has not done anything wrong. He needs to leave and he needs to stay gone.

We need to talk about this. The only way abuse can continue is in secret. We need to make it safe for people to tell the truth about what is happening in their homes. We need to stop asking her to leave. Often, she has little to no money and children to take care of. And, she’s scared he will hurt her children. Because, he often does. He will kill her if she leaves and he might kill her/their kids.

He needs to leave.

Stop blaming her and start holding him accountable.

So, are you a good guy?

 

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