I Lost Ten Pounds!

This post has nothing to do with weight loss. The scale is not even in my bathroom anymore. It never had anything nice to say. This post is about a conversation I had this week with a sweet friend. I would describe her as a divine gathering of stardust. She is the kind of person that the moment you meet them you just know they are special and you want to know them more.

Anyway, she asked how I knew to start this blog. That was a fantastic question. The truth is, I wanted a place to tell the truth. I wanted a place to gather my thoughts and observations about my life experiences. I also wanted to talk through some of these things with a community of people.

I was never concerned with how many people actually read my words. I just wanted to lose the weight of the thoughts in my mind. When I share a truth about life experiences, it feels like another pound of pretend is off my back. It feels like “well now that’s out there” and I am free from pretending like it’s not part of my story or part of what I value.

Elizabeth Gilbert opens her memoir Eat, Pray, Love with the quote “Tell the truth, tell the truth, tell the truth” I get it now. I get that telling my truth has nothing to do with you and it has everything to do with me. I am a bit more free with every truth I tell.

We live in a culture that shames our scars. We are expected to be fine or okay all the time. These expectations are devastating for a lot of people. Life is hard for us all in one way or another. No one gets out without a few scars. Too many of us spend so much time adjusting our images to hide our scars and our stories to make them more palatable to the masses. I have no desire to be palatable and every desire to be real.

My husband’s poppa asked me early on in our relationship “You are real, huh?”

Yes, I am real, I’m messy, I’m scarred, I’m held together with string, I’m confused most of the time, I think rodents are particularly funny, I would only eat pizza if I were single, I love with an exhausting intensity, I care so much, and I’m beautiful.

Love.

 

Am I For Real?

Thich Nhat Hanh
I’m working on developing a structured mindfulness meditation group and I found this story. I think it so beautifully and simply captures the importance of listening.
A family was out to dinner and the waitress asked the little girl what she wanted to order.
The little girl smiled and said, “I want a hot dog, some fries, and a coke.”
Without a moment passing her father looked at the waitress and said, “She’ll have meatloaf, mashed potatoes, and milk.”
The waitress looked at the little girl and said, “What’ll you have on that hot dog?”
With big eyes and a smile the little girl exclaimed, “She thinks I’m real!”
Love.

The Disease To People Please.

“The moon does not fight. It attacks no one. It does not worry. It does not try to crush others. It keeps to its course, but by its very nature, it gently influences. What other body could pull an entire ocean from shore to shore? The moon is faithful to its nature and its power is never diminished.”
Ming-Dao Deng, Everyday Tao: Living with Balance and Harmony

I was spending time with people I love this weekend and I made a comment about something someone (outside of this group) said that hurt my feelings. One of my friends said, I thought you don’t care what people think about you anymore. I responded with of course I do, I’m a human with feelings.

I don’t think it’s an option not to care about what people think about me but I do believe I have a choice as to what to do with that information. At this point in my life when someone says or does something that hurts my feelings I know that I have choices as to how to respond. For example, I can tell them they hurt me, I can set healthier boundaries, or I can just notice that it hurts. What I am not willing to do is compromise my values in order to please another person.

The disease to people please would make me miserable for a lot of reasons. The most important one being that I would be being dishonest with myself about who and what matters to me. Each of us are built uniquely and that should be honored and respected. The next most important reason it’s important to be honest about who and what matters to me is that I want to be surrounded by people that share my values. If I lie about what matters to me, I run the risk of being surrounded my people who do not share my values and I would feel bad about myself all the time.

One of the top regrets of the dying is wishing that they had lived a life true to themselves. The great thing about this kind of life is that if you are true about who you are, you will be a magnet for others like you. These last few weeks have been a testament to that in my own life. If you spend your life people pleasing and saying or doing things that are not consistent with who you are and what matters to you, you will find that the people in your world make you feel bad about yourself and you may not even know why you feel bad about yourself all the time. I believe that at the core of our being we know who we are and what’s important. When that is not honored or respected it leads to a lot of problems both physically and psychologically.

It take courage to stand in your truth (as Brene Brown always says) but for me there is no other way to do this life. I am not going to shrink or lie about myself to make you like me. I refuse to treat myself with such disrespect. There will be some people who just don’t like me or agree with me and sometimes that hurts and that is okay.

In conclusion, this does not mean that if we disagree we get to treat each other poorly. I think it is all about being selective about who you share time with. I know that there are a lot of situations where we don’t get to choose who we spend time with. In these cases, I will not try to convince another person to agree with me or like me. This is futile and a secret way to try and people please (I need you to agree with me so you like me). I can rest comfortably in the truth of who I am and what I believe about my experience in this world.

Go forth and find your tribe, you will know they are your tribe because you can be all of who you are with them.

Love.

“If nothing else in this long and short life, let me be true to my conscience, to the dignity of my own heart. Let me act in a way that says, I have honored my spirit as truly as I have honored others’. Let me stand tall and rooted as a mountain in the face of a quaking world.”
Jennifer DeLucy

The Internet Empathy Epidemic.

“Mirror neurons have been hailed as the cornerstone of human empathy, language, and other vital processes” – Jason Marsh

I first wrote this post in the Fall and now I believe it to be true more than ever. We are lacking empathy at a rate that I have never experienced in my nearly 17 years studying and practicing psychology. When you comment on something or post something online – you are still responsible for the emotional impact of this comment. However, we are more disconnected than we have ever been and we lack empathy for this reason.

The 300, 400, 1000, 2000 friends you have on social media are not real friends. I’m not trying to be cruel, I’m explaining how social creatures like humans are built. We are wired for social connection. This means real-life social connection. There is no substitute for this. When someone looks you in the eyes and says “You matter” or “I love you” it has a significant impact on your sense of self-worth. This is not the case for social media and texting interactions.

We are addicted to likes and comments because they give us an immediate buzz but this is not the same as a real-life conversation with another human. Our brains are wired for human to human contact – this is why there is a significant lack of empathy. We are not connecting with people face to face anymore.

Our mirror neurons (empathy drivers) are activated by eye to eye, face to face, and human to human contact.

Have you ever said something to someone and immediately had the feeling that you hurt them? This is how our mirror neurons operate in the brain. This experience is on a spectrum with “empaths” feeling another’s experience more intensely but we all have this capability.

Months ago, the brilliant, beautiful, and talented Leslie Jones was harassed violently on Twitter for hours. This attack was led by Milo Yiannopoulos, a notorious coward and online bully. He was subsequently banned from Twitter for inciting this violence. People viciously attacked her looks by likening her to a gorilla and sending her pictures of gorillas attached with racial epithets. It was a horrific lynching made possible by human disconnection and lack of empathy.

Does this happen in real life? Absolutely but not to that scale or for that extended period of time without an escape for Ms Jones. There is a growing lack of empathy that makes these events more common and our feelings of guilt less likely. There is a social responsibility that comes with expressing yourself in front of actual humans that has been lost online or over text.

As Glennon Doyle Melton wrote in a blog last week, “Who you are online is who you are, there are not two of you”

This means if you feel comfortable calling me a dumb bitch, I’m an idiot liberal, or that I’m going to Hell – you are saying this. Not internet the you safely behind the keyboard – you, the real you is saying this to me, the real me.

Don’t get me wrong, I love social media, I’m writing this blog online but I spend time with humans in real life.  When I comment online I try my best to pause and think would I say this to their face? If not, I try to not say it. I’m not always perfect at this but I’m trying to be mindful that there is an actual human on the other end of that screen with feelings and emotions.

We have to mindful of the speed in which technology is evolving and how that is impacting our relationships both in positive and negative ways.

“Mirror neurons enable me to see you as an intentional being, with purpose and intention” – V.S. Ramachandran, Neuroscientist

It’s Not Working And I’m Failing.

“I’m very comfortable being right,” she admitted.
 
“We all are. But sometimes it’s a lonely place.”
Susan Mallery, Sweet Trouble

I’m struggling in an area of my life and I found myself professing to my partner:

“I’m doing this and I’m doing that and I’m running around trying to make this better”

But, what I forgot to add is, I’m doing this and I’m doing that and it’s not working and I feel like I’m failing and I’m scared that if I fail everything will fall apart. More importantly, if I fail, what does that say about my self-worth. Because ultimately, it’s all about my ability to connect with others and not disappoint the people I love.

I think it’s hard for most people to admit that they feel like they’re failing. It’s easier to list all the things I’ve done to make it better. It’s easier (for my ego) to say I’m doing everything I can! It’s hard to hold the “I’m scared I might fail at this and that will mean I’m a failure (and maybe unlovable)” space so we run around like a crazy person or we numb out the feelings.

I don’t sleep well and these thoughts were flooding my mind in the early morning hours. It’s almost like, my ego sleeps, and I am able to access the scared and sad part of me that my ego wakes up and tries to protect with anger and righteous indignation (powerful weapons to drive people away).

It’s hard to admit that I might not be right and that I’m potentially failing at something. But, it’s an honest starting line. Things have a way of working themselves out and I know they will but I’m just not there yet.

And, that’s okay.

“We think that the point is to pass the test or overcome the problem, but the truth is that things don’t really get solved. They come together and they fall apart. Then they come together again and fall apart again. It’s just like that. The healing comes from letting there be room for all of this to happen: room for grief, for relief, for misery, for joy.”
Pema Chödrön, When Things Fall Apart: Heartfelt Advice for Hard Times

Can You Forgive A Cheater?

“Betrayal is a riddle we want to solve”
Sascha Arango, The Truth and Other Lies

The other night I had a dream that my partner cheated on me. I woke up in a foul mood and a cold shoulder in his direction. When I shared this with a friend, he said I should probably take a break from Beyonce’s Lemonade for a minute. I think he might be right.

It had me thinking, if my partner did cheat on me, what would I do?

I came to the honest conclusion, that if staying in the relationship was still on the table, I would probably do whatever it takes to make it work. I can hear the gasps through the screen. I can also hear those of you that have been through this all to common experience whisper yeah in secret agreement.

Is this a permission slip for my partner to cheat: absolutely not. Believe me, there would be scorched earth for miles in all directions from my rage (I do really need to step away from Lemonade) but I would eventually calm down and make sense of the wreckage.

Forgiving infidelity is incredibly challenging. Trust is like a bank account and when you cheat it’s a lot like filing bankruptcy. The relationship has to start over in the red and it takes time (if ever) to get back in the black. But, it is possible and far more common than people talk about. This is, of course, if both people are willing to work at making the relationship better.

Listen, I am not condoning cheating, lying, or deceit but life is long, if you’re lucky, and a lot of stuff happens in a lifetime. Let me also highlight that I am not referencing serial cheaters and liars. The old adage “once a cheater, always a cheater” is absolutely not true. With that said, past behavior is the best predictor of future behavior, so if your partner has pattern of behavior associated with cheating and lying (they’re the same thing) I would never, ever, encourage staying.

There is a clear difference between a lapse in judgement over the course of a long life and a personality defect. If you don’t know the difference, please go talk to a professional. 

Infidelity is packed with shame so we don’t talk about it, even with our closest friends and family. Most people don’t share the infidelity with anyone for fear that it will change how people will view the offending party and the relationship (because they often want to make it work and they don’t want people to hate them).

There is this misconception that when you partner with someone you somehow own them. This is simply untrue. My partner always has the choice to stay or go. I hope he stays but he doesn’t have to unless he wants to. I would never want him to feel forced to stay or obligated to stay against his wishes.

The more complicated and heartbreaking issue is when someone falls in love with someone outside the relationship. When this happens, reconciliation is rarely possible. In my experience, the physical acts of infidelity are seldom the death blow to the relationship. It is when your partner opens themselves up to an emotional connection that they can’t stop reaching out for the other person. Sexual intimacy is important in a relationship but not as important as love.

Nothing ever is.

“Forgiveness is not an event. It is a series of decisions made over and over again.”
Karen Salmansohn

 

Well That Must Be Nice!

“As we let our light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence actually liberates others.”

– Marianne Williamson

(Side note: I am super into Marianne Williamson right now.)

Few words frustrate me more than the phrase, “Must be nice!”  When I share something I am excited about or an adventure I am planning, and someone responds with, “Must be nice!” It really hurts my feelings.

Why does this hurt me? 

One, happiness is a choice. A choice I try to make every single day. Happiness entails concentrated efforts to identify that which makes you grateful. It is a way of life. Two, I have been through plenty of times in my life that were not easy, great, or even manageable. Three, I worked my tail off (and still do) to live a life I love. Put simply, if you think “must be nice” fits my life: you do not know me at all.

But beyond my hard work and effort, a person should not have to share with you their struggles (or lack of struggle) for you to be happy for them and with them. We cannot assume that we understand what a person went through to reach where they are now. It is true that some people have it easier and better than others. However, resenting how good someone else has it will only make you miserable. If you want to have a “must be nice” kind of life than please spend your time making that life as opposed to resenting others.

Finally, I know that I will still face struggle and hardship. And, there are struggles I am facing right now. I know that life is not fair and the bottom can drop out again. I recognize how fortunate I am to have the things I have. Countless people work harder than I work and have a lot less. Because I know these things to be true, I will delight in the good when it presents itself. I will use any excuse to be happy. I would love to share these moments with you. I love when the people I care about do the things that they love. Goodness, the world needs a lot more happy people doing what they love and a lot less resentful people trudging angrily through the daily grind. I will not dull my sparkle and I beg you to let your own light shine. Life is not a competition and when you let go of that thinking it feels a lot better.

Spoiler alert: We all die in the end.

“Every time a friend publishes a blog post. Every time an acquaintance’s story gets viral. Every time a colleague gets a better job. Every time a childhood friend posts about his travels to the end of the world. Every time.

Every single time, I need to remind myself: Their success is not your failure. Just because they are succeeding, that doesn’t mean you are failing. Just because they climb higher steps, that doesn’t mean you are walking two steps behind.”  – Marcella Purnama

Love.

 

Not Money Motivated.

“If I saw money as the ultimate goal of my teaching career, then I would have to think more about what people wanted to hear and less about what I feel it’s important to say. My energy would be tainted with efforts to get people to come back, to sell them on my lectures, to get them to bring their friends.” – Marianne Williamson

I grew up in a home where money was the most important thing. There was always intense stress related to money: how much money, where it was coming from, where it was going, and how to get more. It was maddening and terrifying. I grew to resent money. As an adult, my partner manages almost all of our finances. I ask him from time to time, “How are we doing?” and he responds “Fine” or “We need to cut back on this to save for that.” In fact, I never check our online bank account. I both trust him and I don’t care.

The,”I don’t care” comes from a period when I was transitioning into college from high school. The family I grew up with imploded and I spent May of my senior year until college started in August living out of my car and couch surfing. I had very little money and very little emotional support. It was this period in my life where I learned, to the core of my being, that having little money was not as awful as having little emotional support.

I was able to survive just fine on the little money I had from working in a coffee shop and the money that I received from my “graduation party.” I barely survived the loss I experienced in terms of family during that time. It is said that we are born through the fire and that experience burned me to ash. But, I was reborn much wiser about money.

I’m not afraid of being broke. I don’t care about money. I do care deeply about my relationships with people. I care about trust, connection, compassion, and love. I know, though experience, that love is what sustains you when you have nothing. Money will get you a sandwich and a Coke but it will not comfort you and make you feel safe.

When I reflect on this time in my life, I don’t hold resentments or anger. Instead, I am thankful that I had the experience because I know that money does not buy happiness. I know this because I experienced the loss of both money and connection. And, I would never let money interfere with connection. The role of money is to improve connection not to replace it.

In a lot of ways, money makes me anxious. When you grow up with people obsessed with money it becomes something it is not. I need money to do the things I want to do but I know that I can live without it. Or, at least very little of it. I did my best to design my life this way. This is not to say that my partner and I are not “successful” (whatever that means?). By his report, we do just fine. And, I’m proud of our professional accomplishments. However, I know that our jobs and financial security could be lost in an instant. This is why security is not found in money. My security is found in cultivating my own happiness and sustaining my relationships with the people I love.

When I’ve had this conversation, some people counter, that we don’t have children to worry about. And, yes this is true. But, as someone that was a child and someone that works with the emotional well-being with children, I can say with certainty, that a new train set or trip to the water park is a great thing for a kid. But, it means nothing when compared with feeling loved, validated, and safe.

If you have little money but a lot of love, your child will believe they are rich. I know this because I’ve heard children say this to me time and time again. And, just like kids, adults care more about love than Gucci bags and SUVs. We just think that we need to have Gucci bags and SUVs for people to love us. We don’t. Simply, we just need to show up for love and let ourselves be loved.

And, maybe take a shower (smelling bad may interfere with love).

“Some people so poor, all that they’ve got is money
Oh, and diamonds
Some people waste their life counting their thousands

I don’t care what they’re offering
How much gold they bring
They can’t afford what we’ve had
Not even the king
They can’t afford what we’ve got
Not even the king

Oh, castles
Some people so lonely, what good is a castle
Surrounded by people?
But ain’t got a friend that’s not on the payroll

Oh, and I don’t care what they bring
They can have everything
They can’t afford what we’ve got
Not even the king
They can’t afford what we’ve got
Not even the king

All the king’s horses and all the king’s men
Came charging to get what we got
They offered the crown and the offered the throne
I already got what I want

All the king’s horses and all the king’s men
They came marching through
They offered the world just to have what we got
But I found the world in you
I found the world in you

So darling, listen
Your arms around me worth more than a kingdom
Yeah, believe that
The trust that we feel the kings never felt that

Yeah, this is the song that we sing
We don’t need anything
They can’t afford this
This is priceless

Can’t afford what we’ve got
Not even the king
Can’t afford what we’ve got
Not even the king” – Alicia Keys, Not Even The King

Heaven Is A Place On Earth.

“Maybe this world is another planet’s hell.”
Aldous Huxley

“We are each our own devil, and we make this world our hell.”
Oscar Wilde

I know this post is redundant. I can’t help it. I’ve written about this topic several times (Hang A Different Fly Strip, Yo!, What Are You So Mad About?, I Need An Attitude Adjustment, Please, Stop Telling That Tired Old Story, That Was A Hell Of A Day, and probably in others). I suppose it is cathartic for me to try and approach it from a variety of perspectives.

One of the most crushing things for me to see as a therapist is when people stay stuck in their own Living Hell. So often, I sit powerless as people go on about all the wrongs, resentments, abuses, problems, and challenges in the world. This is not to say those points aren’t valid. They are. We all struggle. We all face adversity.

And, this post is not intended to minimize the pain that life brings. In fact, the human experience is replete with adversity. Yes, some people struggle more than others. And, some people have harder lives than others. However, how we respond to adversity will determine the quality of your life.

A person always has a choice. This moment can be your Heaven or your Hell.

Some of the key words and phrases that come up when a person is Living In Hell are:

I don’t want him/her to win. Life is not you versus anyone. Life is you just doing the best you can and trying to be the best version of yourself. If you find that you feel this way about someone or something it might be best to let go of the relationship or leave the situation. It’s okay to quit something or someone that makes you miserable or makes you feel like it’s about winning or losing.

It shouldn’t be this way. Life is not fair. Bad things happen to good people all the time. Unfortunately, life is not about how it should. Life just is what it is. And sometimes it’s awful and sometimes it wonderful.

I don’t deserve to be treated this way. You do not have control over how anyone treats you. If someone is hurtful and abusive please exit the situation as soon as possible.

I’m not going to leave, they have to leave. Your health and happiness is your responsibility. You must leave the unhealthy situation.

That person should just know what I need. We are not mind readers. We must tell the people in our world what we need from them and we must be specific as possible.

My religion says this way of life is right and they are wrong. This may be true. However, approaching someone with an attacking and accusatory approach is not likely to lead to conversion or understanding. It is best to listen and understand. It is best to act consistently with your values and let your actions be what attracts people to you.

Why should I treat them any better. Because life is not a contest. Extend compassion even when the person can not do the same for you. This does not make you weak. In fact, it is much harder to hold the space and not be reactive in the face of anger than it is to be reactive.

But I’m right! You probably are but life is not a contest. Again, if you want people to listen to you it is best to first listen to them. Listening does not mean you agree it means you respect the other (even if you don’t)

It’s not fair. No, none if this fair. It is not designed that way. It will never be fair. Let the idea that it will ever be fair go and you will be much happier.

I refuse to listen to any of what they have to say. Then the conversation is over. Listening is the most important part of communication. If you refuse to listen there is no conversation.

This is bullshit. It probably is. But, again, life is not fair. I’m sorry you’re suffering but we were never promised a pain free life.

They’re out to get me. Maybe they are. The best way to counter this is to be the best version of yourself. Don’t give someone anything to get in terms of who you are. If you feel like the situation is toxic and you are living in fear the only choice you have is to leave. 

Phrases and words that people who live in Heaven often use:

I love you

I like you

Good job

I’m proud of you

Thank you

You make a difference

Please

I appreciate you

I’m sorry you feel that way

What can I do to help

What do you need

Let me get that for you

You’re beautiful

You’re awesome

You’re incredible

I hope you have a great day

Let’s have a dance party

For many people they are unable to see that their worldview is what is causing them the most pain. If you are able to accept that life is both wonderful and awful, and sometimes at the same time, you will live a much healthier life. If you are able to extend compassion and understanding to the people in your world, you will feel so much better about life.

I understand that many  people suffer through painful and abusive childhoods or relationships as an adult. If you find that you do not have the tools to move out of a Living Hell, please, see a therapist. And if you do decide to see a therapist try to have a little hope and flexibility. We know you’re suffering and we want to help but we can’t help if you don’t let us or trust that we want to help.

Love.

 

Dealing With Difficult People.

“When dealing with people, remember you are not dealing with creatures of logic, but with creatures of emotion, creatures bristling with prejudice, and motivated by pride and vanity.” – Dale Carnegie

Whenever I see posts like “How to deal with these kinds of people…”, I kind of cringe. I think we can all be a certain kind of person from time to time. Many of us have rather unrealistic expectations related to what our human interactions should be like on a daily basis. Therapists have an expression: Don’t should on yourself (we’re hilarious aren’t we). We feel entitled to people agreeing with us or being kind to us. When in fact, we are not entitled to this type of treatment at all. Yes, it would be nice if every person I interacted with was having a super day and smiled me on my way. But, that is just not how the real world works. 

How do you deal with difficult people?

  1. Most of the time it isn’t about you. If someone is being difficult is is likely because there is an area of their life that is not as they think it should be (finances, kids, sleep, work, relationships, etc). This makes extending kindness to you more challenging. I suggest you let them be and send them some loving thoughts and compassion. 
  2. It might be about you. In these cases, much of this has to do with expectations. I know that because of my beliefs and values some people find me difficult. I’m fairly outspoken. I also don’t have the faith system that many think I should. The people with disparate values need to do a better job of setting boundaries in their relationships. I may never be besties with a Fundamentalist Christian (actually I am). But really, don’t try to shove a round peg in a square whole. Maybe you should get along but you don’t so stop forcing the uncomfortable relationship to be something it is not. They will always feel like they are living life the right way and you will always feel like you are living life the right way. So, it’s best to stay in your own lane and out of theirs.
  3. You might be triggering something in someone. Like, if you’re having a great day or life is overall pretty great for you, other people may feel bad about themselves around you. This can result in painful jabs towards the happy person. I’m not sure that the unhappy person always knows that they are cutting someone down to size but if you feel jabby or you are being jabbed use your boundaries. 
  4. Who does she think she is? This is another case of triggering something in someone. Some people cannot be happy for you if you are happy. It is just not possible for them. This may lead to difficult interactions. Again, let them be and ramble on.
  5. Basically, people want the outside (the world around them) to match the inside (their emotional state). This means that if someone is difficult it is likely because they are suffering. That being said, you do not deserve to be the whipping post for someone in emotional distress. Please do not jab them back. Instead, take a deep breath and send them love and compassion. And go on your way. 
  6. You are not entitled to life as it should be you are given a life as it is. This involves dealing with people who may not always be kind to you. This is okay. It doesn’t mean you deserve to be treated poorly, it just is what it is. 
  7. Don’t react or defend yourself. This only fuels the negativity. It’s best to just listen and exit the situation as soon as you can. This leaves the other party having to deal with the mess themselves. I can hear you saying “But, I don’t deserve to be talked to or treated this way” and you are correct but the best way to handle this is silence and removal. 
  8. Try to have some self-awareness around when you are being a difficult person. Maybe you are telling someone all the reasons their idea won’t work. Maybe you are making a lot of sarcastic comments. Maybe you are gossiping about “who does she think she is.” Maybe you are making fun of someone. How you behave is direct reflection of how you feel. If you are being difficult do yourself a favor (and the rest of us) and take better care of yourself. In a lot of cases, it is that critical voice in your head (I’m not good enough, I’m never going to be happy) that ends up coming out of your mouth (she’s an idiot, they’re not really happy). Start inside and work your way out.
  9. You’re human and you have permission to be difficult once in awhile. But, you are always responsible for how you treat people and if you hurt someone in the midst of being difficult you should apologize. Even better, you can give the people around you (at work and at home) a heads up and say, “I’m struggling today, I might need some space.” People are less likely to take things personally  when you give them a heads up.

That’s all for this sunny Friday afternoon.

Love.

“I don’t have to attend every argument I’m invited to.” – Unknown